Archives for category: The Worse

So this might come out in America…

April 30, 2012 //
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SPIKE CHUNSOFT LAUNCHES ‘CONCEPTION: Please Have My Babies’*, DUNGEON CRAWL RPG FOR PSP®

*The title is a literal translation of Japanese title and the English title is TBD.

Today, Spike Chunsoft announced the launch of CONCEPTION: Please Have My Babies (English title TBD), a brand new dungeon crawl RPG in which the player playing as a high school student who was taken to a parallel universe called Granvania. The game is released for PSP ® on April 26, 2012 for a suggested retail price of ¥5,980 (w/o tax) in Japan. North American and/or European releases of the game are TBD.

Granvania was facing a crisis invaded by KEGARE (demonic creatures) arise from disorder of the stars. The player will be treated as MAREBITO meaning a messiah in Granvania. The adventure to save the world and to get back to the usual world begins.

KEGARE can only be beaten by MAREBITO and STAR CHILDREN, the children between MAREBITO and zodiac maidens. Maidens cannot fight with KEGARE but can bear STAR CHILDREN. As the player forms a stronger bond with maidens, a more powerful STAR CHILD will be born. Deepen your love with maidens and have strong babies.

A god of KEGARE lives in the deepest floor of star labyrinth. Each time the player visits the labyrinth, its level layout and rewards are randomized. Be aware of deadly creatures and traps and go through the dungeon to reach the deepest floor. The combat is turn-based and the player can form a party with up to 12 STAR CHILDREN. Unite your power with children and defeat the god of KEGARE.

 

Please let the tagline be “Have Sex, Save the World”

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Hope would have been way less annoying had he worn khaki pants all through FF XIII

April 4, 2012 //
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EDIT: THERE ARE MORE

   

   

File this one under Final Fantasy: The Androgynous Collection. (It is actually a real ad campaign for Prada’s spring collection…)

via Andriasang, Part 2

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Michigan: Report from the Nicolas Cage Acting School

March 19, 2012 //
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Hey, sometimes you get drunk in the sound booth and record the audio for a game.

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Categories Random, The Worse

From the studio…

March 5, 2012 //
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…that brought you such hits as Sid Meier’s Civilization, X-COM, Falcon 4.0, and Roller Coaster Tycoon, comes the next “game changer”

GIRL FIGHT!

Random Fact Time!

Chris Sawyer, creator of Roller Coaster Tycoon, made 30 million dollars in royalties from the first game in the series.

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Categories Random, The Worse

January 7, 2012 //
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I quite enjoyed the battle system of Final Fantasy 13. The rest, and I mean everything from character design to narrative and setting all fell extremely flat in my opinion. Despite having saved the world as with every Final Fantasy title, 13′s conclusion felt equal parts confusing and pointless. All the overblown Square-Enix design was punctuated with one of the least fitting songs ever to grace a video game with “My Hands” by Leona Lewis. So here it is, one of my least favorite musical moments of all time: And if you are interested in seeing the moment within its context, here is the ending cinematic from the game. Sure it will be spoiler filled, but if you actually understand what is going on could you please leave a comment? I didn’t even get it after playing the whole damn game.

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Categories The Worse

Worst of 2011: Voice Acting

January 3, 2012 //
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It is often easy to look to low budget titles for inadequate voice acting performances, but in 2011 some of the worst voice acting came from what most would think of as a highly anticipated AAA title. On paper creating a new Deus Ex game shouldn’t have worked, but on just about every level, Deus Ex: Human Revolution exceeded even the loftiest expectations by sticking to the formula that made the first game so well received. Unfortunately, the game’s voice acting left a lot to be desired, with performances ranging from adequate to down right terrible.

Throughout the game you can’t help but feel as if the main character, Adam Jensen, is channeling his inner Christian Bale as he rasps his way to and from each story beat. Your boss, David Sarif, suffers from what I’ll call CEO Bro-syndrome which essentially means he always sounds like he is about to ask you if you want to go to a strip club and do a few lines and throw back a couple shots of jag. Every character with an accent manages to strike a strange balance between being overly hooky and ultra-serious, making some of the interactions laughably bad.

Without trying to stumble over any more erroneous analogies, here’s a random cut scene from the middle of the game that shows just a snippet of the ‘fantastic’ voice work throughout Deus Ex: Human Revolution.

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Categories The Worse

The Over-Under for Lollipop Chainsaw

November 29, 2011 //
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It is beginning to get crazy at Grasshopper Manufacture. Arguments, nay, a college level thesis could be written proving  that Grasshopper had already jumped the proverbial shark (although in their case, I’m sure the part of the shark would be played by an over sexualized robot dolphin), but from what they have shown of Lollipop Chainsaw, I think things have finally started getting crazy.

GHM sits as one of the great success stories of recent memories that somehow continued to simultaneously get games funded while upping the crazy factor with each release. Grasshopper has become a living version of the Producers with Suda 51 acting as a more deranged version of Franz Liebkind.

So what should you expect from Lollipop Chainsaw? After watching the trailer take a look at a few of my own predictions and accompanying odds for inclusion in Suda’s next frivolous adventure.

Juliet will at some point kill her zombified parents

Nothing says messed up cheerleader like dead parents.

Odds 5:1

There will be a scene on a sports field involving decapitation

If No More Heroes, and then No More Heroes 2 taught me anything, Suda loves him some sports.

Odds 3:1

Juliet becomes impregnated with a zombie baby

Suda tackles deep issues in every one of his game, adolescent access to birth control is next!

Odds 15:1

Sarah Michelle Gellar makes a pointless appearance

Unfortunately, Danny Trejo probably won’t be along for the ride this time.

Odds 50:1

There will be a really dumb reference to Romeo and Juliet that will probably be repeated throughout the game

Yup, Lollipop Chainsaw is a video game.

Odds 2:1

Within the first five minutes, Juliet takes off her mask and is actually Bayonetta

…and also the game is developed by Platinum

Odds 2:Why can’t this really happen.

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